you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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