you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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