Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
