can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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