I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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