Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
