I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
