I wanna bring you to show and tell
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Did I show you my penis last night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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