Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
