Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
