Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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