ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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