She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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