your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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