Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
