the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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