I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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