we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
