arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
