i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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