After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
