her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
is that a dick in a sweater?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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