i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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