nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
