She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
