I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
