just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
