My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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