Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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