I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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