I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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