No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
