so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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