He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
