can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
