Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you win again, gameday.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
