I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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