Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
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