just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
