Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
