I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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