That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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