I am in a vortex of obligation.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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