When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You've changed since you got that strap on
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
