Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
