the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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