What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
