maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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