I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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