**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
