All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
