What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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