i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize