So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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