why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
