"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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