is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
