the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
