Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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