i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
