franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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