you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
