Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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