I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
