He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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