but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
