awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
