i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize