and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He felt like a one man threesome
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
