When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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