she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
