your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
