Farmville is her only friend.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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