My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
