I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
