apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
