I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
