I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
