I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
