how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize