Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my being single is dangerous.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
