I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
