I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
