I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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