chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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