he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
