remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
