Plan B is the new Plan A
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
