So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
