barbara walters just said penis...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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