im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My penis needs a shock collar
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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