i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
