btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize