Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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