u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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