We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
