i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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