I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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