i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
