Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
