I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
