I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
